Not really. I wonder if there really are such things as beginnings after one reaches a certain time in life. Everything's been done or tried before. Nothing is really new. Everything is a continuation of what's gone on before.
The same is true, I think, for writing. My first critique by a 'professional' jarred me to my very soul. I recall going home and crying. After a few more critiques, I was able to accept comments and judge whether they worked or not. For me and for my book.
Today - finally - my editor called. She spent two hours with me going over 'Blue.' It was good. It was hard, but it was good.
This time, I could accept the praise without wondering when the other shoe would drop. I listened and filed it away, for perusal later.
The changes, additions, deletions, etc. were well thought out. I could exactly see what my editor was telling me. And accept her comments. I never once thought, 'she doesn't understand what I wrote,' 'she misread it,' - 'she ..... Never once. That's huge. That means, to me, that my writing is good. That means that I have learned how to accept criticism with an open mind, no, an eager mind. I wanted to know what she thought. I wanted to hear the suggestions she had.
I'm tired now. The process of listening and understanding is a heavy thing. I'm tired because I have a lot of changes to make. I've got to go back to page one, reread the entire thing again, and watch for where I need to add the things that will make my characters even better, make the parts where I want my readers to cry really hit them, make the terror of the wizards palpable.
Everything is doable. I think that's the best part. I don't feel cowed by the suggestions. I feel excited. Exhilarated. I'm not looking forward to doing any of it. I'm not stupid. This will not be a few days' work. This will be a slug-fest. But doable.
I think the best part - besides the fact that my editor definitely thinks the book is publishable - and good - is that I am ready for a publishing house to take me to task, to critique and accept it. It's an awesome feeling. A feeling of power. How odd.
Happy New Year, dear readers. May you be blessed with joy and creativity and love.
LIFE IS GOOD.