Saturday, August 16, 2014

Slogging

For the past many months, I've felt like I'm on an algae-smelling river, in a boat without a paddle. It's a wooden boat, not of Elvish make, but one with no beauty nor grace.

I've made it out of the boat but ended up in a fly-infested bog, slogging forward. The best part of the bog, if there can be such a thing, is that my brain is clear, frightened, but clear.

Writing is so personal, no matter what my subject matter. It's like going into a deep, water-floored mine. I know there's something down there, but I'm afraid of what it could be.

It's me

Tonight, D came over and we had an awesome time with her Cornelius story. I can see her characters and know what they're thinking and what's happening to them without any thought. She reads me a line, usually funny, and I am off, eyes closed, imagining the scene before me and voila - somehow - I see more. I see the little things that make humans special and fun and I tell her and she sits there, mouth agape. It is such an unusual thing, being a teacher/editor. I know now what spurred on my love of reading as a child. I could see it all before me and imagine, before I read the next part, what might happen. I loved those moments when I was right.

As we sat there, I pondered  upon my own writing - now that I can look at it subjectively. I wondered why I couldn't edit/revise my own writings the way I could with D and my other student/friend.

I pulled out 'Blue' and D and I went over it - the first two paragraphs - and I was able to see what I thought might be good changes to make the character more vibrant and the scene more understandable. In the midst of it all, I realized I needed to move a scene up. It's an action scene and it's much farther down in chapter one. Moving it up will answer questions sooner. I used to think it was better to keep my readers guessing, but I think there's only so much a reader wants to guess :)

D is happy and I'm excited - after all this soul searching. I know how to read/review/revise this book, at least for the moment. Tomorrow morning, though it's technically already tomorrow, I'm taking the pages we scribbled over and write them out. Then onto the next paragraph. It's going to be tedious, the thought of which has disabled me these last few months, but I feel hope again.

Life is hope. Blessings, my friends.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Summers

I've been back to the Center numerous times since last I wrote, but the little one and her friend have decided they love this place and so, we play Animal Jam on the Center's computers. They like sitting next to each other. I would, if I had the money, buy an extra computer and have it at my place. Though it's fun coming to the Center.

D is coming over tonight. I'm hoping she has another chapter of her Cornelius story to share. She's so determined she drives me crazy. She subscribes to the theory that every word counts. Now, I'm not saying that I don't believe the same thing; however, I write and then go back and take paragraphs and edit them. Then onto phrases and then, finally, words. She does word by word as she writes. I'd go insane.

As for me, I printed out the first chapter of 'Blue' again (after the aborted trying to edit here). However, (this will be the word of the day), the kids have been over constantly and we've been at the pool. Nights - we're watching My Little Pony and the 'Mommy and Gracie' Youtube vids. The kids love them. If you've got My Little Pony and Monster High fans in your house, check out their videos. It's great fun.

I was hoping to submit this chapter to my Skyline Group but alas and alack, I can't get it onto here. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I just do not like to use my own computer anymore to write. Perhaps it's because it's become my second-job computer. Hmmmm.

I was hoping to sit with a cup of coffee and my draft and edit here by hand, but the kids slept over last night and I couldn't find my shoes, never mind my MS, if I wanted to.

Life is chaotic but lovely with grandchildren.

'Mommie and Gracie' link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOjMW-OK0ts

Friday, August 1, 2014

*Bangs Head Against Computer Table*

Happiness swelled through me this past week as I devoted myself to 'Blue'. It felt good to be in the groove again. Smiles lit my face more often than of late.

Expectations - I'd forgotten. According to Martinez's Four Agreements:  no expectations.

I came into the center today, wringing my hands in delight at the thought of working on 'Blue' again.

I opened my email (I can't 'keep' the document at this site and so I send it to myself.) I looked everywhere - all three email accounts. No document. I looked in Drive and there it was - from February!!!!! I looked in my sent boxes, my spam boxes (remind me never to go there again - yikes!), and all mail boxes. No sign of the document.

I looked in the computer's files here. I'd been assiduous in making sure I deleted it the last time I was here. They do not allow 'members' to save files to their computer.  

*heavy sigh*

It really doesn't matter. I'm not sure what has happened but I feel like the weight of the world is off me. I've been losing weight and other maladies are subsiding. I'm eating much better than I've done since my 'Mother Earth' days (that will tell you how old I am.)

My buddy D came over last night and she is feeling the same way. Uplifted. She's changed her diet, too, to a more non-processed food regimen and God forbid stay away from fast food. I'm totally believing that's why my mood has improved and even my visage. 

Life is good. I'll get the old document off Drive again and see what I can do. I'd been most happy *heavy sigh* with the changes I'd made. Thankfully, I'd only worked on Chapter One. I'm planning on submitting it to my writing group in a week. 

Life is interesting. Love to all.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I Willl Not Say I'm Back

for I never really left. Who can leave writing? After months of moaning and feeling sorry for myself, I have taken one step forward.

Today, I went to a community hall and used their computer to begin the process of revising 'Blue'. I think I've known for awhile that the book needs major revisions. I believe that's why I've been running the other way.

When I first started writing as a career and not a hobby, I knew the joy of writing. These past few years, I've come to learn an important lesson. I am not entitled to being published. But -- I will not stop trying.

For now, I decided to tackle 'Blue' and make it the story that is trying to get out. The one I fell in love with. I know it's in that mass of 70,000 words. I've fought taking any of them out. I've fought revising it. I'm a seat-of-the-pants writer. What the Muse causes to be typed on my keyboard is what the story should be. Foolish woman. The Muse is only one part of the story. I'm intelligent and good at writing. I should be part of this process.

I went through the first three paragraphs of 'Blue' at the center and still am not finished with them. This process is going to take an even stronger commitment, but unbeknownst to me, courage and tenacity are part of my soul.

I'm not sure if I'll be blogging every day the way I used to, but I do know I will keep this blog up. Working on 'Blue' is my first priority, after taking care of myself and the family. For goodness sakes, I must be healing for I wore make-up today for the first time in years.

Love to you all out there, writing and wishing and hoping and bleeding. After all, as Hemingway said, 'There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down and bleed.'

I've got bandages. Angry bird ones. I'll be ok. So will you. xxxooo