Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Big Bad Wolf

I've had a kind of epiphany. A lightening bolt thought. A shocker. One of those moments when you've delved a wee bit too deep and discovered something about yourself. Sometimes, these moments are good; sometimes they're bad.

I hate the job search process. Thankfully, I usually stay in one place for a long time, so the search isn't an ongoing thing. Nevertheless, I hate it. I stare at the computer, I rattle the Sunday paper, I jump into my bed and cover my head with the sheets. This is such a disheartening process. Because I'm not really sure of myself. I love what I do and I'm good at it, but to get that across to a potential employer, I find, is most frustrating, hurtful, and wicked.

After I get the job interview, then it's bite the nails time. Sitting and waiting in some cold foyer with elevator music playing. Going over my resume and cover letter and wondering why on earth I wrote THAT. And for my clothes, why did I ever pick the pink shirt to go with the blue suit. Honestly, it seemed logical this morning (well, last night when I picked it out.)

Finally, the interview and my passion overtakes me and I laugh at the repartee. I thrive at their trickses to see if I'll give away secrets. I puff myself up, with good intentions and knowing I'm good at what I do.

The call that I've been accepted for a second interview, or for the job, and I can breathe again.

Sorry for the long piece above, but I discovered that I look at the cover / query letter in the same way. And I'll be darned if I'll let that happen. It's an incredible thing to discover, that my insecurity at the job search process and my insecurity at the query letter process are one and the same. It's also mind-blowing. And freeing.

I've been spending the day looking at giraffes. I've got two publishers that I want to send it to, but my cover /query letters have felt lackluster. Of course they have! I've been caught up in the web of yuck. But I know it now. And I know what I must do.

The little one came home from school early. The arm's pain grew during the afternoon. Thankfully, today was my volunteer day at school so I took her home with me. I'm sure she is healing and this is part of the daily 'I'm getting better' thing, but the little one doesn't know that. She's not sure she's getting better; she's not sure she's healing. But she is. I'm hoping she doesn't call  to come home tomorrow. Thankfully, Friday is a no-school day and I've got plans for crafts and such for the both of us.

Life is eye-opening wonderful.